Figuring out what to do when you have a child with a narcissist can be a trying time that feels like a constant up and down battle.
It can drive a woman to madness. I’ve had my fair share of it almost doing just that.
I wish I would have known then what I know now. It would have saved me a lot of the stress and frustration I felt in trying to fix it all.
The frequent arguments about him changing visitation days and times to being late or early for pickups and drop-offs, all I wanted to do was fall off the face of the earth so I would no longer have to deal with it.
Luckily, I gained knowledge and insight into how narcissists work and it was suddenly like a light bulb going off.
The most important thing to keep in mind when having a child with a narcissist is to know this: nothing and I mean nothing is more important to a narcissist than the narcissist.
Armed with this new knowledge, I began to formulate rules (that I keep to myself of course) and guidelines on how to best deal with him so his toxic behavior didn’t begin to affect my son.
Instead of getting frustrated and letting them ruin your day, week, month, or next 18 years, feel free to use these tips to help you gain control and peace back in your life.
When you have a child with a narcissist, you notice how they will love to engage in negative talk or say things that seem like they are said for the sole purpose of pushing your buttons or to hurt your feelings.
This is exactly what they are trying to and will do any given chance they get.
And what most women don’t understand is that your response, or lack thereof, is everything.
You see, the narcissist really wants you to respond back to them for one reason: they are looking to get a reaction out of you.
And it doesn’t matter what type of reaction you give them.
They just wanted to make you experience some type of negative emotion at that moment or make you snap so they can go around telling every Tom, Dick, and Harry that you are somehow the unstable one.
You see, the narcissist has a focus on doing what it takes to ruin every last little peace of mind you’ve ever had.
They literally thrive off of drama and attention, so the more you respond, the more they will poke the bear.
Not only will responding make their day, but it also gives away all your insecurities and lets them know exactly what to say to push your buttons.
It will be hard in the beginning, but the best response when having a child with a narcissist is no response.
Just like your kids will need rules and boundaries, so will the narcissistic parent.
Putting and keeping them in place is essential to keeping a stable household.
Feel the need to create whatever boundaries you believe are necessary and don’t ever feel like you may have too many.
Do whatever is necessary to keep your stress levels at bay and your household calm.
Narcissist don’t just wake up and decide they want to become narcissistic, it’s generally a learned behavior.
Making sure your child has minimal contact with the narcissist will keep your child from mimicking the same behavior.
It also helps minimize the toxic behavior your child may eventually begin to internalize and feel like they may be responsible for.
Limiting contact will allow you to create free time for you and your little one to enjoy life and create great memories in the process.
Contact By Text Message Only
If the narcissist insists that they speak with your child while the child is in your care, if you feel comfortable, allow contact by text message only.
Having a child with a narcissist is just like Forrest Gump explains life as. It became my motto so I changed it just a taste.
“Having a child with a child is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re going to get.”
So, just in case they decide to turn the conversation into an interrogation of unnecessary questions or toxic behavior, you can put an early end to it and keep the possible damage to your child to a minimal.
Not only that but if you have a court case, those messages can serve as FABULOUS evidence!
Don’t Feel Sorry
Once you begin to place some rules and regulations into place you’re going to find generally, that one of two things will happen.
The narcissist parent will either get mad because their usual tactics aren’t working or they will go in the complete opposite direction and start being extremely nice.
Even if they are being nice, it’s just a short-lived state. Once they see nice isn’t working, they’ll proceed to act like a 2-year-old having a temper tantrum on the grocery store floor.
If they are mad, they will spend even more time trying to convince you that you are the problem.
Don’t let all of their emotional instability make you feel sorry for them or feel like you can fix the situation or make them see the light of day and grow the fuck up.
It won’t work.
Feeling this way only creates the pile of dirty laundry for you to clean up! (You can find out what I mean by that by reading that blog post here 😁!
You can’t ever feel responsible for fixing someone else. Especially not another grown adult who is capable of knowing right from wrong.
These are just a few of the ways I maintain control of my home while having a child with a narcissist and hopefully you’ll get some relief using them as well.
Leave a comment below and share your experience with me and other women!
Until the next time, “Shoot for the moon and even if you miss you’ll still land among the stars.” ~Les Brown